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Buzz words - kicking it gardening style

by john markowski (jmarkowski)

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I work in the "corporate" world and when I say most conversations are filled with "buzz words or phrases" it is an understatement. There may soon be a training class required for new employees just so they can follow what is going on. At a minimum, a book of translation will need to be created. Just to give you a flavor of what I'm talking about:

  • A huge task that doesn't seem possible is "like we're trying to boil the ocean."
  • Simple tasks that can be completed with ease are "low hanging fruit."
  • Not trying to do too much because we don't want "to reinvent the wheel".
  • A meeting that brings everyone together is referred to as a "come to Jesus meeting."
  • The infamous "due diligence'
  • "Blamestorming" is a definite fave
  • And the way overused "at the end of the day".
  • Holistic, granular, etc etc

If you put a bunch together you can really impress your friends:

After we complete our gap analysis, and define our delta, we must implement both a stop-gap and a long term solution that will empower our partners to do their due diligence in championing our mission statement.

Isn't that fun?

Well, my plan is to spice up these buzz words/phrases using nothing but gardening references. I may get blank stares and I may be kicked out of the cool kids club, but if only one person laughs, my job will be complete. Here are a few I've come up with so far:

If there is an issue with an impossible resolution it's:

  • "like trying to kill an aphid with a machete"
  • "like trying to convince a slug it's not a hosta"
  • "like trying to grow lavender as a bog plant"
  • "like trying to divide a miscanthus with a fork and knife"

When trying to get people pumped up for a new project:

  • This project will be groundbreaking, like "convincing a fern to embrace the sun."
  • People will take to it "like a japanese beetle on a zinnia" (from personal experience) or
  • "Like a deer out on a date with a euonymus."
  • We need to invigorate and excite everyone like "finally reducing the cost of a boxwood to a reasonable level"

When deep research is required (aka "deep dive" in my world) to get to the root cause:

  • We need to dive into the problem "like a rabbit dives into an aster"
  • We need to stick with this "like an ant on a peony"

I challenge you to come up with some of your own. If they are good enough, I will use them and provide you with the reaction, or lack of reaction, I receive.

Happy trails. 
   

 

 

 

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comments

You guys are too funny- I can't keep up.
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organic gardener commented on 05/19/10
You are too funny John! I LOVE it. My work world is a little less coprorate (human services) but here&#x27;s my shot: <br/>Do it the smart way: <br/>Like growing beans up a corn stalk <br/> <br/>Stick-to-it-tive-ness <br/>Like a Japanese Beatle on a grape leaf <br/> <br/>Unbridled enthusiasm/Accelerated growth: <br/>Like Zucchini in a pile of horse manure <br/> <br/>Impossible solution: <br/>Like convincing a Gypsy Moth Caterpillar to have lunch at McDonalds <br/> <br/>And the oldie but goodie: <br/>Think outside the coldframe
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Gardening Jones commented on 05/18/10
I love "think outside the coldframe... genius :)
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FigTree replied: on 05/19/10
Where do you come up with this stuff? So funny, and I wish I was more creative-- how about this: <br/> <br/>Something easy- &quot;like growing weeds&quot; <br/> <br/>Something that might take time: &quot;the situation make be on asparagus time&quot; <br/> <br/>Sorry- I&#x27;m really not as funny as you are but I tried.
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butterfly commented on 05/18/10
This is really funny- but I am not creative enough to think of one! Maybe I&#x27;ll try later when my brain is on.
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Seedling commented on 05/18/10
OK- I will take a stab at this: <br/> <br/>Something that should be easy to implement; &quot;growing lettuce on a sunny day&quot; <br/> <br/>Getting to the root of a problem; &quot;find the end of this dandelion&quot; <br/> <br/>Reaching out to others; &quot;think like a pea tendril&quot;
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dig the dirt editor commented on 05/17/10

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